Now that George W. Bush has been declared the official winner of the November 2 election and shall become the President of the United States for four more years of cowboy conservatism, I the undersigned, a Canadian citizen, pledge to liberate, through the legal and binding act of marriage, a willing citizen of the United States of America, of a gender of my choosing, and with one or all of the following political leanings:

1. discouraged Democrat,
2. reformed Republican,
3. apolitical with limited world-domination tendencies.

In addition, I promise to help my new Yankee spouse to adapt to life in the great white north, keeping them safe from (gratuitous) invasion of privacy, and to provide him/her with a reasonable supply of Timbits.

This petition is no longer online. Sorry!